Dear Colonel,

First, Why haven't you been promoted to General yet?

Second, I have no problem with newly discovered Saturnian moons named for three Norse roosters and their Muse. In America we consume a million chickens per hour. The least we can do honor yardbirds in this way. pic.twitter.com/MuobpYFTFa

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 3, 2019

Why the Carnegie Institution for Science Should Name Four of the Newly Discovered Moons of Saturn Gullinkambi, Fjalar, Unnamed Rust-Red Rooster of Hel, and Eggther. A Persuasive Essay by Colonel Sanders @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons Thread (2/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

The Carnegie Institution has asked for help in naming the moons. They want to name 17 of them after Norse giants. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (4/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

to name four of them after the Norse giant roosters Gullinkambi, Fjalar, and Unnamed Rust-Red Hel Rooster, and the giant Eggther. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (6/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

I realize I am merely going to repeat my thesis statement, but I think it bears repeating. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (8/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

There could not possibly be better Norse giants for which to name four of the newly discovered moons of Saturn. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (10/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

So perhaps a bit more information is required to fully understand my argument. There are a lot of layers and nuances to it. So, like the telling of Norse mythology, let us start at the beginning. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (12/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Norse mythology comes from folk tales of the North Germanic people from the time they were pagans through to the early Christianization of Scandinavia. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (14/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

both preserved the stories as Scandinavia was being converted to Christianity. Norse mythology tells of the gods, giants, dwarves, elves, trolls, and people and the birth, destruction, and rebirth of the universe. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (16/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Most of the surviving tales of Norse mythology are about Odin, Thor, and Loki. Gods who, thanks to popular culture, many people know. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (18/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

In the beginning of the Poetic Edda, Odin visits the seeress, a woman who can see the past and the future. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (20/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

She tells him how, after Ragnarok, the world will be reborn again. So, like Odin, we, the readers, know the beginning and the end; we know where this story is going and that Ragnarok is going to happen. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (22/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

“On a hill there sat, | and smote on his harp,
Eggther the joyous, | the giants’ warder;
Above him the cock | in the bird-wood crowed,
Fair and red | did Fjalar stand” @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (24/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Again, I’m an amateur in Norse mythology, so I probably missed some of the details. Please bear with me as this is the best a gentleman scholar of Norse mythology can do. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (26/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Moving beyond the narratives themselves to the lessons we can learn from them is not only instructive, @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (28/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

One of the most obvious lessons is that we should always embrace destruction and rebirth in our own lives. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (30/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

We should greet this continual destruction and rebirth, signaled by the rooster crowing, with our own joyous singing. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (32/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Nothing could possibly serve as a better reminder of this than Gullinkambi, Fjalar, Unnamed Rust-Red Rooster of Hel, and Eggther. And I, for one, would like to be reminded of that when I gaze at the night sky. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (34/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

In Norse mythology, neither came first. Thinking of things this way is to miss the point entirely. One cannot exist without the other. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (36/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

The universe cannot be created without Ragnarok, and Ragnarok cannot happen without the universe being created. What could be better to think about as we look into the night sky and wonder what any of it means? Nothing. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (38/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Naming the moons for these giants honors all celestial bodies. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (40/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

but naming the moons for these giants would be a wonderful reminder that even these small moons play an important role in our universe. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (42/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Having the moons named Gullinkambi, Fjalar, Unnamed Rust-Red Rooster of Hel, and Eggther also serves as a critical reminder of our universe’s eventual demise. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (44/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

I urge you, Carnegie Institution for Science, have these moons serve as harbingers of our universe’s march toward its own Ragnarok, entropy. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (46/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

When Eggther hears the doom-signaling crow, and he knows it’s over, he joyously sings, accepting death as a natural part of life. As we all should. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (48/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Another great reason to name moons for these giants is because they are intrinsically about space and time because they occupy different realms. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (50/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Because of this, when we gaze up and think of these giants, they remind us of the world we occupy, the ones beyond, the ones that came before, and the ones that we have yet to visit. @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (52/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Naming many of the new moons of Saturn for Norse giants is a marvelous idea, @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (54/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

They deserve this honor because they are giant chickens and a giant guy who sings with them, because of their momentous role in signaling Ragnarok, @SaturnLunacy #NameSaturnMoons (56/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Thank (58/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

For (60/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019

Sincerely, Colonel Sanders (62/62)

— KFC (@kfc) December 3, 2019